Untitled Text Msg (Vicodin), 2010
Inkjet print on vinyl, 154 x 154 inches
I’d like to break a real taboo at this point, and raise a few questions that the pro-sex people consistently evade. Where do these sadistic and masochistic fantasies come from? To borrow from Simone de Beauvoir, are they born or are they made? Are they really agents of our liberation? If we are aroused by them, does it automatically follow that we are empowered by them?
To begin to answer these questions, we have to look beyond the fantasies themselves to the culture in which they develop. It is not just coincidence that they imitate the violence men do to women and girls. Think about the implications for our sexuality of the following statistics: More than a third of us were sexually abused as children (Russell, 1984). For many of us, our first sexual experience was a sexual assault. Forty-four percent of us will be raped (Russell, 1984). The environment in which we learn about and experience our bodies and sexuality is a world not of sexual freedom but of sexual force. Is it any surprise that it is often force that we eroticize? Sadistic and masochistic fantasies may be part of our sexuality, but they are no more our freedom than the culture of misogyny and sexual violence that engendered them.”
— Dorchen Leidholdt, “When Women Defend Pornography”
things i told the internet, but didn’t tell my mom
35mm film scans
some pictures about my backwards concept of privacy.
i. it’s getting bad again
ii. this week i am struggling with self doubt and the transition from iced coffee to hot coffee
iii. i want to puke and sleep for six days
iv. i still can’t sit on your couch without shaking
v. i need other people to validate that i am important because i can’t do it for myself
vi. no one else has ever told me that i am desirable with the lights on
Behind the scenes at the QOTSA music video shoot.
Los Angeles, California.
Originally the QOTSA video for Vampyre of Time and Memory was going to open with a scene of us women forming a recreation of Voluptas Mors by Dali, but the record label decided we were too naked for TV. Maybe someday we can convince them to release it, as the footage was hauntingly gorgeous, and I will never understand why people are so afraid of naked bodies…
p.s. these scans are terrible, sorry…